Example: finish your point
You're explaining an idea in a work meeting when a colleague starts speaking over you. You want to finish while keeping a calm tone. You don't need to argue about their personality or prove that they are always wrong.
I haven't finished yet. Give me a minute to complete this point, then let's discuss yours.
- It names what's happening now: your point is unfinished.
- It makes a specific request and suggests an order for the discussion.
- It avoids 'You always interrupt everyone' and apologising for your right to speak.
If it continues: 'I can't finish while we're speaking at the same time. Let's take turns.' The outcome of a real conversation also depends on the other people involved.
Prepare a conversation you can actually have
State your own limit too: 'I don't want to pressure them' or 'I don't want to agree just to keep the peace'. Bonnie can help with the words; the decision and real conversation stay with you.
- Describe what you observed separately from guesses about somebody's motives.
- Name your goal: meet someone, clarify, ask, decline or agree on a next step.
- Explain which relationship and tone you want to preserve.
- Try a short opening you could realistically say.
- Rehearse one possible reply and decide what you'd do next.
From an introduction to a difficult reply
Use language that sounds natural to you. After the real conversation, return with what actually happened and discuss the next step. A possible response should never be treated as something the other person has already said.
| Goal | Possible opening |
|---|---|
| Start a conversation | What brought you to this event? |
| Clarify something | What do you mean by that? |
| Decline a request | I can't this time. I don't have the time available |
| State a boundary | That tone doesn't work for me. Let's discuss the actual question |